Archive Page 2

Much bigger than denial…

In a similar way that others may collect vintage egg beaters, table cloths and sneakers, I collect questions. I am a shameless collector. If I hear a good question I calmly snatch it from the air and pop it into the mental file labeled’ for use in client sessions, as relevant’.

The questions do however need to have a certain quality. Ask a simple ‘Why’ question and people go shopping for an answer in their minds. You can witness this, ask your partner, your kids and colleagues ‘Why’ and they tend to ‘go to some place’ to find an answer usually in the past. Ask a ‘What’ and people feel it out, are somehow more deliberate about their choice and sometimes see something completely new. Coaches like ‘what’ questions, they help folks shift their regular patterns.

This week I read a great question. It asked ‘What are you pretending not to know?’..my mind reeled and then I looked around me looking for clues… ‘What am I pretending not to know?…wow, um…probably quite a lot of things. I am pretending not to know that it is definitely my time to unload and reload the dish washer. I am pretending not to know that I need to go to the dentist. I am pretending not to know a whole slue of more edgy things around why I lost a good friend and that I am far more capable of a bunch of things than I give myself credit for, also that …..ooh do I have to say it out loud? No I don’t, but inside I am very aware what I am pretending not to know and the impact it has on me and possibly others.

There were a couple of situations in sessions this week where I was given the perfect opportunity to use this question. One of which was met with a kind of painful animal like grunt from my client, followed by an incredibly insightful response. This question is a powerful question indeed.

So powerful infact, that I really must attend to that dishwasher…

What are you pretending not to know this week? And what will you do about it?
C

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

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The chainsaw and the cherries

We have just returned from vacation and among all the images that one collects when you are in a different environment and noticing different things, the vacation memory that keeps returning to me is not the amazing clear blue expanse of Big Bear Lake or the buzz of happy families vacationing in Lake Arrowhead or the amazing wildlife that visited us in our lazy afternoon hammock, no. The primary image I have is an overflowing bag of ripe to eat cherries perched next to a rather leaky oily chainsaw on the 50’s pink ceramic tiled kitchen surface of our small Big Bear cabin.

This image stays with me because it seems to capture pretty much what we are about as a couple when we are away from the stresses of the day to day world. I am not sure how to articulate exactly what I mean by that but it is something around tolerance, the joy of manual labor, the love for great very simple food and the haphazardness and collision of many of those concepts. (Although I will admit the tolerance did wear thin by day 3 just around the time I chose to do a little ‘work’ on my laptop, the image took on an entirely different form in my mind and the chainsaw was moved to leak in a location that I felt more appropriate – note to self to learn from awareness.)

I think this is why I enjoy visual imagery so much. It provides a snapshot of the essence of something that we might find really hard to articulate. Essence is all about energy, the feeling and the moment. It is full of information and yet putting words to it can be really difficult.

To illustrate this point Marc just walked past me as I type and sees the heading of this blog. He looks up with glee and expresses his delight with a broad smile and twinkle in his eye. He recognizes this essence, it needs no further words.

What visual image would best describe your essence with your significant other, sister, child or other important person in your life? We would love to hear…

Wishing you wonderful vacation imagery this summer.
C

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Wedded bliss?

This weekend Penny will be setting up the RBC shop at Bridal Bazaar, the San Diego Wedding Expo.

Using the theme of ‘After you say “I do”‘, we have created a booth that encompasses a veritable library of books on relationships and includes a large graphic where the attendees can scribe their answers to ‘What does relationship mean to you?’. We are hoping that along with the activities of listing DJ’s, viewing photographer’s portfolios, being educated about the latest floral trends and cake tastings we will have visitors who are willing to pause and think about that question.

Building any relationship takes love, awareness and partnership and if the recent and rather over dramatized episodes of ‘Bridezillas’ on WEtv has any smidgeon of truth to them, it would seem to be that stress negates ANY inclination to see that. So along with our couples coaching packages we will be offering stress management packages too for the wedding party and their families.

Having worked at a popular wedding venue for many years, Penny is not new at interacting with Brides, Grooms and their families. She has many stories to tell of the goings on during planning and what transpires in regard to family dynamics when the big day actually arrives, she is however just too classy to spill the beans! It’s therefore not an entire surprise that couples coaching is where Penny chooses to focus her practice.

So I rest assured that even if the odd Bridezilla does find her way into our booth, Penny will be able to listen, provide a new perspective, remove the ‘zilla’ and have her back on her way; looking for that perfect napkin in light aqua, with a serene smile upon her face.

We love a wedding.
Candice

If you know of any newlyweds or families that are involved in an upcoming wedding, be sure to tell them that we have couples coaching available, by phone or in person. We are passionate about supporting any couple to have an intentional relationship.

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Not your ordinary week

Last week was not an ordinary week –

– I bought a Pilates and Gyrotonic business with a couple of friends
– We hired an architect who came back with a plan that might just be a our new addition
– The recently published magazine article actually arrived on the door mat
– I received a subpeona to attend family court
– We had four unrelated friends staying with us from out of town
– I moved into the land of ‘heart’ on my 14 week ‘Soul Journey’
and I turned 40.

Reading this now, I find that it is a fair amount of information to take in and yet I sailed through last week not entirely appreciating the impact of each event. I experience this with my clients too. In a session a client will say something pretty significant and then step on their internal accelerator and drive-thru, I am however not about to let them speed along that easily!

Witnessing is something that we coaches do so that our clients are able to stop and soak in what is going on in their lives, whether that be an achievement, a new awareness or a significant moment. When you think about it, we have third parties witness all sorts of events during our life, we will say ‘I witnessed a birth’ or ‘I was a witness at a wedding’ or ‘I witnessed that will’. We often stand witness to prove something happened, or didn’t happen and we call on witnesses for these contractual or big life events, but what about the smaller stuff of life, the things that happen day to day that may have a greater more positive impact if we only stopped to witness our own, and others lives, in motion.

It is simple, powerful and an honor to be a witness to someone’s triumphs however small they may seem to them, and we can all do it. We just need to be present, keep our eyes open and be still enough to notice the things that we and others do. If you have ever been caught in the act of doing something a bit naughty you will know a little something of what I am talking about; that person doesn’t need to say anything, just their very presence will cause you to blush. So what might be different if instead that witness caused you to flush with pride or help you see something in yourself that you may not have noticed before… wouldn’t that be worth a thousand words?

So this week the request is to be extra attentive, no drive-thru behavior, witness your children, your colleagues and your partner. Just be still enough to have them notice that you are noticing them. They may blush or flush, either way they will feel seen and their moment will be honored.

C

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Failure = Success

This quote is not new and yet I seem to be reading it everywhere this week, so somehow it just seemed right to include it in today’s post. Maybe we need to be reminded…

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

What might you have to fail at in order to succeed at the bigger game?
Have a wonderful 4th July.
C

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Looking at ‘type’

It is said that when we do values work with clients it is best not to show them lists of values… yes there is such a thing, and on it you will find such words as ‘beauty’, ‘tradition’, ‘accuracy’, ‘zest’, ‘collaboration’. This is stated because people will shop for values. We sometimes choose the values that we would like to stand for opposed to those that truly represent who we are.

I have to admit I did a similar thing recently with the Typing Application on the iphone which is based on the Myers Briggs Type indicator. If you are unfamiliar with this assessment it is based on the work of Carl Jung and it asks you questions that will define you between –

Extraverting or Introverting (E or I)
Sensing or Intuiting (S or N)
Thinking or Feeling (T or F)
Judging or Perceiving (J or P)

As I clasp my iphone I survey each of the 16 combinations of types which sit in four quadrants across my screen and I look at each of the icons. The icons are the element that really has me shopping. I begin to wonder what it would be like to be a Sunshiney ESFP known as the ‘Motivator Presenter’ in the Improviser quadrant or a sure footed ISTP known as the ‘Analyzer Operator’ because the icon of those toes look so cute and so purposeful. I also note that my favorite icons are all in the Improviser quadrant…I obviously want to be over there.

I however took a Myers Briggs several years ago and I was ‘typed’ as ENTJ, and I have since taken abridged versions of the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) which also indicate I am a ENTJ though I do seem to be able to flirt with ESTJ…too….

Answering the simple questionnaire on the iphone app actually gave me a couple of result choices in the ‘Theorist’ quadrant but on the recent software update, with the more comprehensive assessment I was firmly an ENTJ again, a ‘Strategist Mobilizer’ with the icon of a crown. I have nothing against the crown, infact it looks kind of fairytale like which is interesting to me but it is just not as vibrant as the suns, as joyful as the feet or as balanced as the ying/yang symbols.

So today I imagine my crown at a jaunty angle, and that feels much better. I can embrace my ENTJness as long as I can wear my icon with a wink.

C
For more information on Myers Briggs assessments and how it could be useful to you visit www.myersbriggs.org

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Showing up

I was published this month in an industry magazine. While it was written for the coaching market there are some pointers in here for all solo practitioners and small businesses and I hope you find something useful for you.
Have a fabulous week!
C
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© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

The Red Barn Cooperative

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