Archive for April, 2009

A healthy glow?

The Red Barn is all about the idea of exploration and experimentation so we are passing on the recipe below because (a) just the idea of doing this and the possible results makes me grin (b) because it would be fabulous if there were someone brave enough out there to give it a go and tell us about it! (c) if it works we should be telling all those folks on Dancing With the Stars that there is a healthy alternative out there!!

“Your Best Tan Recipe
This technique is so easy, you won’t be-leaf it. (what the article says and I would like to be-leaf really I do!)

Required time: About 30-40 minutes
Skill level: Goof-proof

Ingredients:
4 black tea bags
2 cups boiling water
Sponge or spray bottle

Optional:
Body lotion
Pure cocoa powder

Instructions:
When water has boiled, add the tea bags to steep. Leave in for 10-15 minutes, or until tea is dark and cool enough to touch.

In the meantime, take a shower to ensure your skin is oil- and sweat-free. Afterwards, make sure skin is completely dry.

Stand on something you don’t mind getting dirty. If using a sponge, drench it in the tea and wipe all over your body. If using a spray bottle, fill it with tea and spray evenly. Let skin air-dry and apply another coat for a deeper shade.

Tea will stain clothes if wet, so make sure you’re all dry before dressing. The “tan” should last 3-4 days.

Optional: For bonus color, mix cocoa powder into body lotion until you reach desired color and apply for an all-over bronzing boost’ ”

I am incredibly fascinated about the ‘bronzing boost’ piece of this, smearing cocoa powder takes me somewhere else completely. I am also perplexed by what my own desired ‘color goals’ may even look like. I only know two colors of tea, ‘builders tea’ and ‘weak tea’, I am pretty sure I don’t speak in other ‘shades of tea’?!

So that is the weekend challenge and I wait with baited breath for results!
Feel free to send photos too!
Have a fabulous weekend.
Candice & Penny
– P.S RBC will not be held responsible for any variation in results, damage to clothing and furniture or the fact that people may look at you a little funny in the street (but only for a day or two!)

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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‘The Power of a Positive No’

I am trying something new today, I am typing this as I listen to a book review of ‘The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes’, by William Ury. I am interested in the premise of the book and keen to develop my auditory channel so recently, in lieu of reading, I have been finding and listening to many podcasts and seminar recordings. So here we go….

William Ury’s book is essentially about using ‘no’ in service of your ‘higher yes’. Ury outlines a three part model
1. Yes – Our own internal yes, what’s important to us. Getting really clear about what our interests are. What is our higher yes that we are honoring?
2. No– Asserting our interests and setting boundaries based on our ‘higher yes’/developing awareness around a plan B if necessary so we are empowered to operationalize elsewhere and remain authentic to your ‘higher yes’.
3. Yes – An external yes/invitation or proposal to the other person that furthers the relationship

This model presents a classic negotiation technique; when we stand firm in ‘no’ we are being authentic to our own ‘yes’, and once our ‘no’ is asserted we are more able to enter into the second ‘yes’ and further the relationship.

Saying no gives us the freedom to be truthful to ourselves and respectful to others. By saying no we are actually saying yes to something we believe in and in fact a ‘yes’ without a ‘no’ could just be appeasement which leads into what Ury calls the three ‘A’s’

When we are not using a ‘positive no’ we –
Accommodate (appeasment, often resulting in resentment’)
Attack (saying no poorly, resulting in conflict)
Avoid (saying nothing at all, likely to result in stress & bad health other serious consequences, Enron is actually cited here!)

We can consider a ‘positive no’ as our shield, it does not attack another it just protects what is important to us, other types of ‘no’ are usually used like swords, showing no true concern for the other person/organization. This apparently includes saying ‘no, because I say so’ which teaches a win/lose situation to children where they begin to develop beliefs around power and who holds it. (Mmmm, I know many children with incredible powers of negotiation, is that because their parents act that way too?)

I am now hearing how this impacts women specifically, there is a discussion about how women often carry a lot of guilt and fear about saying no, however we can only really honor ourselves authentically if we are able to say no. The ‘Yes, No, Yes’ model diminishes the feeling of potential rejection, because when we marry our ‘no’ with the ‘higher yes’, women are very good at saying ‘no’. For example we are very good at saying ‘no’ to serve the ‘higher yes’ to a child’s health. The clarity of the first and higher yes gives power to the ‘positive no’.

Applications
– To handle overwhelm and exhaustion
– Self care
– Salary negotiations
– Scope creep
– Gaining cooperation from someone else
– And just about everything else in life!

You can visit www.williamury.com and print a wallet size ‘tips’ card that reads as follows –

1.Uncover your deeper Yes
• Deeper Yes: a core interest, need, or value
• Express your Yes to the other
• Stay true to your Yes
2. Deliver a respectful No
• Don’t reject, offer respect
• Keep your tone neutral and matter-of-fact
• Empower your No with a Plan B
3. Negotiate to a healthy Yes
• Healthy Yes: a positive outcome or relationship
• Follow your No with a positive proposal
• Facilitate a wise agreement

Pretty interesting….. OK I am stopping the recording now.

I have to say I am a big supporter of saying ‘no’ and a fan of those who use it regularly to protect their values. I once attended a leadership course and there was a section on negotiation where we were asked to practice saying no, and hearing no from others. It started off in that awkward way that so many of these exercises do, and even though we were making up requests that we didn’t even expect to get an affirmative answer to, it was still a little off putting being told no. However, with the practice it really didn’t take too long before we could hear no and be OK with it, respecting the other person’s values, and be able to say no and feel good about it. I learned a lot from that exercise and having listened to this book review feel a little more refreshed in regard to the healthy use of ‘no’.

What will you say a ‘positive no’ to this week?
C
You can download an abridged version of the book itself at www.audible.com

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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When it’s just time to process

Yes, coaching is about accelerated growth. People will often work with a coach to get where they want to go, in order to get ‘there’ faster and in a more fulfilling fashion. We are in the fulfillment business, we envision about the desired future with our clients until we can almost taste it, then we align around the specific goals, strategize a route, and use the tool of accountability throughout the client journey.

If we are in the business of desired future and dreams we are also in the business of choice. Coaches support clients to see what they are choosing, and what other choices might be available to them, when maybe they feel completely backed into a corner or are stuck in a rut. A coach will dive right in with the client, help them experience all the possible perspectives available and balance them out against each other, until the client chooses one consciously and intentionally and moves forward. We are also in the business of not taking the client anywhere at all.

In any given week, as I coach, I go everywhere and I go nowhere. Not all coaching in about getting to a forward destination or a place in the future, sometimes coaching the client is just about being with what is deep inside them. Looking for what is going on right in that moment and processing that. This in my mind is accelerating growth too. Being able to look deep into what matters to us with a coaching partner can help us navigate both the choppy waters and celebrate the great! There are as many people who hide from their well deserved limelight as succumb to their fears, and there is verdant growth in just becoming aware of what we really can’t be with. What do we resist in any given moment that persists in our broader lives?

So today, we ain’t going anywhere. We aren’t looking at future successes and wins, we are just being, here, together. How long can you be in this moment with me? Did you already pop out of it? Were the distractions around you too great? Did you get bored? Is it unpleasant or is there respite and relief? Is your mind wandering? Or are you still here, in this moment. Just being, here, with me?

In this moment, what awareness is growing within you?
C

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Sharing ideas – leading to greater success

The 99% conference ended on Friday… if you wish to learn more check it out here the99percent.com. The conference title references Edison’s quote, “Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration” and the conference’s content was curated around how we turn our ideas into reality.

One of the presentations was summarized by Linda Tischler, and it really resonated with me in regard to my own outlook and in regard to the coaching we do here at RBC.

“After surveying a large number of successful people, Behance found that those who have made things happen share several common principles. Midway through the conference, Scott Belsky, Behance’s CEO, took the stage to summarize them:

1. We should know our tendencies–are we dreamers, doers or and know what gets in our way.

2. Share ideas liberally–if it’s a really good idea, can it be replicated? If you share quickly, you’ll be more accountable. Chris Anderson (TED) -every time he has an idea, he puts it on his blog. GE-have a policy, if you have a best practice-and you don’t share, they call it stealing from the company.

3. Share ownership of ideas–don’t be wedded to doing it one way. How to share ownership, but know when to interject. Co-owning an idea may increase likelihood of its happening.

4. Seek Competition.

5. Fight your way to breakthroughs. When apathy happens, somebody drops the rope.

6. Don’t become burdened by consensus. Find the sacred extremes, and realize you have to compromise in the middle of the spectrum.

7. Present yourself (overcome the stigma of self-marketing.)”

The article was titled “Behance Best Practices-The 7 Principles of Success” and can be found on the Fast Company site here

You may also want to check out “Six Traits That Separate the Achievers From the Wannabes also written by Tischler.

If you read our last post you will already be delegating and mitigating, which takes care of #1 on this list, so now consider – what might a week of sharing ideas mean for you in the long term?

Have a wonderful week – and I hope all you Californians are successful in keeping cool (it’s a melting 96 degrees in Laguna Beach today!)
Candice

© RBC – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Mitigate & Delegate

Today saw the first day of the general election in India. Yes the first day. Over 700 million Indians are eligible to vote which means the polls will be open one day a week for five weeks and then there is all that counting. It is mind boggling to me how something of this magnitude can be administered. Who are the people who have the patience and attention to detail to handle something of this size?

On a much smaller scale I received a note today requesting me to update a few details for an organization to which I belong, the information would help the sender update a county database. The email that I received did temporarily stop me in my tracks, and I do believe my palms became just a little bit clammy, as in that second I really couldn’t think of a worse job. Really give me some public toilets to clean over updating a large database, but I have to tell you that the sender of the email and person in charge of this task is very detailed orientated, dedicated, and the perfect person for the job. They will take it in their stride and get it done with little fuss.

The fact is we can’t be good at everything, it is just not possible. When I ask people what is getting in their way, often they will tell me that there is just a deficit of interest or skill, and you know what, that is OK, once you are aware of that you have options. Firstly, just because you ‘can’ doesn’t always mean you ‘should’ which is a whole other topic around the cost of doing things that zap your energy when it would be wiser to spend that energy on something more productive/contributing toward your goals. Secondly, you can choose to learn the skill you lack but I would quickly add that you probably only want to learn said skill if you are really interested in it, else it will bore you to tears and still you won’t achieve what you set out to do.

Thirdly, you could delegate! Yep, we often believe that we need to do everything, but that just isn’t the case. For example if you really can’t keep on top of your paperwork ask someone who has a strength in organizing paperwork to do it for you, really it is that simple. We sometimes get blinded with the ‘but I should be able to’… which is admirable, but are you able? If you continue to avoid something, or continue to let something make you really miserable, delegate. Get it off your list and open yourself up for tasks that will utilize your true strengths. I also often hear that folks feel that it is a waste of money to pay someone else to ‘do what I should be able to do’ – again, a waste of money IF you really ARE going to get on with it, but be realistic with yourself, wouldn’t it be better to feel ‘lighter’ by having the task you get stuck with completed by someone who can do it easily? And if that person does have a strength in a complimentary area to yours, you may be in a position to barter so it doesn’t cost money at all. You may instead be able to invest a shorter amount of time doing something you would prefer to do, on a very basic level, you could wash someone’s car while they tot up your monthly receipts.

Sometimes people will share with me feedback from workplace review procedures, where managers concentrate on the ‘weaknesses’ of employees as if these can be all ‘fixed’ after a period of 6-12 weeks. Now being aware of our weaknesses is one thing, and improvements can be made if effort is applied, but will your weaknesses ever become your strengths if you are not passionate about those areas? I would argue that it is unlikely, and believe it is a short sighted organization that doesn’t just mitigate employee weaknesses and concentrate on developing each employee’s greatest strengths.

So be kind and realistic with yourself, recognize your strengths and mitigate your weaknesses, whether it be to just stop pretending that you will do those tasks that you can’t or won’t ever do, or to start surrounding yourself with a ‘team’ of folks where you can each help each other. In sessions, I often ask clients to grab their to-do lists and have them tell me how they feel about their list. The common feedback is that there are one or two things that the client is eager and excited to do, a bunch of things that just need to be done and they will be tackled that week, followed by a handful of items that have been on the list for months, years even, and those items are ‘draining’. I then invite the client to cross those ‘draining’ items off the list, which is usually greeted by a snort or laugh, I however assure them that I am serious and ask them to take a pen and start to cross out those items that are not going to get done any time soon. The action of grabbing the pen alone helps them consider, if the items are truly important, how each may be achieved in more creative way!

So it’s the weekend challenge. Grab your own to do list and take a good look. Which are the items that you are just torturing yourself with? Then take out a very thick nibbed pen and begin to cross each of them out, remember to breathe and see what happens……you may notice that what you ‘need’ to complete that item will suddenly come to mind and if it doesn’t, just keep crossing, it’s obviously just not time for that item to be considered.

Have a great weekend with a shorter to-do list
Candice

© The Red Barn Cooperative – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Which are your authentic qualities?

I spend a lot of any given week helping others look at their brand, whether that be when I am consulting with a company or coaching individuals. Yes, even individuals can have a brand. Branding is not so much about a snazzy logo as it is about what you stand for, and I help people leverage their values to find their authentic brand. I say authentic because being otherwise just doesn’t work, people want to be in relationship with the real deal. To outline some of the qualities we tend look for in a brand here are a few of the results and comments from the recent Brandchannel brandjunkie awards, which look at brand performance for the prior year.

What was the most inspiring brand?
Top Five Answers: Apple, Obama, Nike, Coca-Cola, Google

Brandchannel says “Strong brands are inspirational and represent not only products, but also systems of beliefs and values. Weak brands misrepresent themselves in an effort to gain popularity and sell products—greenwashing, for instance. Yet the brands mentioned above stand for creativity, imagination, health, and sustainable development. According to the pedestrian definition of branding – “Branding is what people say about you when you’re not in the room.” ”

Which brand was best able to rebound from a crisis?
Top Five Answers: Apple, McDonald’s, Ford, Maple Leaf Foods, Goldman Sachs

Brandchannel says ” At a time when many families and individual consumers are facing crisis, they—now perhaps more than ever—are looking for sacrifice, honor and heroism from wherever they can find it—even in their brands. Brands that have chosen to keep cool, deny government bailouts, face economic challenges with creativity, rise from disaster by looking consumers in the eyes and accepting both blame and responsibility or openly restructure ineffective business paradigms will reap the benefits of their stoicism, imagination and competence.”

Which brand was the most controversial?
The Top Five: General Motors, Benetton, Pepsi, Apple, Facebook

Brandchannel says”According to brandjunkies, the following qualities can mark brands with controversy: aloofness, arrogance, unchecked opportunism, unmitigated edge, mortality, illness, presumption and lack of conviction. Branding industry experts accept that problems and controversies are inevitable, but how brands react to crisis is crucial. All too often brands become insular when they should focus on transparency—which is a commitment to honesty. And on their way to being transparent, they should leave the private jet at home.”

What brand orchestrated the most effective rebrand?
Top Five Answers: Pepsi, Walmart, Thomson Reuters, Xerox, Woolworths (Australia)

Brandchannel says “Successful brands, just like successful people, can find themselves lost, in need of spiritual and physical rejuvenation, or just a more clearly defined sense of self. Change often brings controversy, but it also brings opportunity—both to succeed and fail. Executing an effective rebrand begins with diligent research to fully understand the hearts and minds of brand loyal consumers. The fate of every rebrand is not a matter of logos, color schemes or taglines, but human desire.”

Which brand provided the best retail environment?
The Top Five: Apple, Target, Walmart, Starbucks, Ikea

Brandchannel says “Retailers—remember the fundamentals! Our survey respondents have clearly stated that consumers value maneuverability, cleanliness, customer service, interactivity and—of course—affordability. Stores designed around customer navigation, brand-consistent aesthetics and entertainment—all while offering savings—scored highly. And despite a troubled year, Starbucks still receives praise for being part of the neighborhood.”

For the full results check out Brand Channel.com

Now having read this you could indeed collect each of the qualities that appear to make a great brand, but do they represent a unique combination of your authentic values and qualities? Will they differentiate you from the competition, create interest and loyalty? I would argue that before you can be authentically inspirational, transparent, and honorable you do need to have an astute awareness around your ‘sense of self’.

Which of your unique and authentic values would you like others to talk about?
Candice

© The Red Barn Cooperative – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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Walk a mile in her shoes

This was forwarded along to me today and I wanted to share….

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Dan Hatch marches through the Utah State University Campus while wearing high heels during the ‘Walk a mile in her shoes’ event. (Eli Lucero, Herald Journal)

Intrigued?

For the full article on this rape awareness initiative check out Men don heels to walk in her shoes.

Have a wonderful Easter weekend!
Candice & Penny

© The Red Barn Cooperative – Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chicklet below..

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