What’s your trigger?

So if you read our last post you will either still be looking for elves in your home or alternatively be happily sharing your household with all your many selves and orchestrating them to perform all your tasks in a more effective/fun/impactful way. Learn anything new about yourself in the process?

Today I just wanted to talk about the ‘self’ that you know exists but may have tried to lock in it’s room, ignore, pretend doesn’t exist; you know the one. For some of us it is the inner child, for others it the sulky teen or for others the quiet unassuming inner verbal assassin…. yes we all have a ‘triggered’ state that we don’t really choose, can be a little bit ugly, and after the fact leaves us frustrated, angry or cringing. What I want to tell you today is that ignoring it is unlikely to help, instead I would encourage a dialogue with this ‘self’ to see what it wants and why it appears.

Triggered selves can appear when we are not taking care of something, when we see injustice, we encounter conflict or we become overwhelmed; in these situations we sometimes shutdown and hand over our power to this other ‘self’ who is really unable to handle the challenge in the way you would consciously choose but at the time it just kind of takes over.

So this one may take a little work but boy once you have this down you will be back in control! The trick here is not to wait until you are in a triggered state to to look at this, instead think of situations where you are likely to get triggered (maybe when talking to the ex. about child arrangements, when we feel judged, when we feel overlooked or unappreciated, when the children have been hanging around your neck all day) and imagine this version of yourself in those situations.

Now think of that version as a completely separate entity and really take a good look at him or her…how old are they and what do they look like? How do they show up? Angry/sulky/closed off? Now sit that image of your triggered self in a chair ‘outside’ of you and take a good look at this person. Are they really equipped to deal with your issues? Probably not… and here you get curious, ask why does this other self appear? What function is this ‘self’ satisfying? What are you maybe not taking care off? And really stop to listen to the answers. Once you feel that you have enough information, design something with this version of you around what you would prefer to happen when you are in a difficult situation i.e remain quiet, give you space, time to think…which ever works for you.

When you next feel your triggered self about to jump into a situation remember the conversation and choose to remain in the room instead! Now none of this is to say that you shouldn’t get mad over something that is important to you but it will help you get mad and get over it as your ‘natural self’ instead of becoming a version of yourself that you may not be very pleased with later, which I promise will be a lot more satisfactory for you and probably all others involved.

Practicing some de-triggering this week.
Candice

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A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

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