Bring on the sheep….

Today’s post was going to be a conversation about something quite different, but given I am open to writing about what shows up, it now seems far more appropriate to write about the nourishment of sleep.

This is top of mind because this household is deprived and therefore fairly undernourished this week. The dog has ears full of very itchy hair (the sorry plight of a schnauzer), my other half is on some kind of odd sleep pattern due to recent projects and workload and I, who can normally sleep anywhere at pretty much anytime, through anything, am now suffering intermittent sleep patterns; primarily due to the constant floor drumming of a scratching dog!

So to rectify this, the dog has just returned from an ear pluck at the vets and Marc is planning some physical exertion in the garden later on today and I feel I will benefit from both…

But what other methods might help?

I have been taught in my meditation studies that for optimum recharging it is recommended that we sleep with our heads to the north so we are in alignment with the electromagnetic field of the earth and that we should lie on our right sides to minimize pressure on our hearts so it doesn’t have to pump so hard… you can read all about it in Joel and Michelle Levy’s book ‘Simple Meditation and relaxation’, however facing north and remembering to lie on my right side just doesn’t sound so simple so this is when I turn to self-hypnosis.

I actually lightly hypnotized a friend in a hotel lobby the other day…not because I was abusing the training but because she was very keen to know if she could be hypnotized (she could..). Frankly most people can, it is all about ’suggestion’ and if you have ever watched a great film, been really into it and believed in the characters and shared their emotions, you are already very open to the power of suggestion.

This brings me to the concept of counting sheep. It works, but there are nuances that vary its efficacy. Hypnotherapist C. Roy Hunter has a variance that goes as follows; firstly he believes in counting backwards instead of forward, and feels that you can imagine the numbers anyway you want, actually printed on the sheep (or any other animal of your choice, our dog would surely choose bunnies), or maybe the numbers have a friendly character in their own right as they jump that fence, pass you by, or fade into the distance. He then states that at the point where you feel yourself ‘drift’ you can either ‘help or hinder’ sleep, so here is the recommendation….get comfortable, take three very DEEP breaths and continue to breathe deeply as you use words similar to these….

“As I count backward from 100, one number per breath, my mind just wishes to drift off to sleep…100..(take a deep breath)……………..
I can imagine seeing or hearing each number just before I say it to myself…99…(take a deep breath)
As I imagine this peaceful place with pleasant sights and sounds and feelings the numbers start to get farther away………………………98…(take a deep breath)
As the numbers get smaller and smaller I get sleepier and sleepier………………97..(take a deep breath)
My mind starts wandering as I wander closer to the realm of deep sleep, getting sleepy.. ………..96…..(take a deep breath)
The more my mind wanders the sleepier I get………….. and my mind wanders away from remembering the numbers………………………95…(take a deep breath)
The numbers are easier to forget..or difficult to remember…and I get sleepier and sleepier……………….94…(take a deep breath)
When I forget the last number, or skip the next number or repeat a number, it doubles my drowsiness………………..next #….(take a deep breath)
If I take two breaths between numbers or forget to remember a number my mind just wants to go to sleep………..next #…(take a deep breath)
The numbers are getting farther, smaller… deeper and deeper into my sleep…………next #…(take a deep breath)
I try to stay with the numbers but my mind wants to wander… or drift…and wander… to sleep…next #…(take a deep breath)”

If you are still awake at this point take two deep breaths between numbers but apparently it is incredibly rare for anyone who is lying comfortably and breathing deeply to get to the last number when following this kind of suggestive script.

I can hear some nay sayers amongst you now worring about having to learn this script… and what I say to you is that it is the ‘essence and suggestion’ of the script that is important, so just read it through a couple of times and try it… well not right now….it would be nice if you finished reading this post!

Here come the cautions… some sleeping conditions have physical causes, so if you have a ‘knowing’ that might be true for you go see a physician now and stop the suffering. If you are already on medication for insomnia also talk to your physician to educate yourself on how self-hypnosis may or not work for you BEFORE trying it!

So tonight, depending on the result of the ear pluck and the likelihood of the laptop actually being put aside this evening in trade of some physical exertion in the garden, I may well be teaching both the dog and my man to count soft gentle, number carrying, smiling sheep that fade and slip so peacefully into the distance so tomorrow we may all feel nourished once more….

Sweet dreams
Candice
- For more self-hypnosis exercises check out “Master the power of self-hypnosis’ by C.Roy Hunter. It teaches about subconscious programming and is full of scripts targeting many areas of your life where you may want to attain ‘health, wealth and happiness”.

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The Gift of Friendship

“It takes many friendships to make a life. Our friends bring out the best of our being. Through friendships we can realize the highest that is in us- “
Ralph Waldo Emerson

My daughter and I just saw Mamma Mia. Fun music, beautiful Greek island, amusing characters. What I especially enjoyed was the reuniting of dear friends. It mattered not whether it was friends of a few years or of many decades. This movie accentuated something I’ve been focusing on, with some intensity for awhile now, Friendship.

All the shapes, sizes and colors that friendships come in. They are as unique as the people in them. What friendship brings into our lives. Great conversations, shared memories. How rich my life is because of friends.

Friends share our joys and trials, they support us, they nudge us along when we need it. Or even give us that loving kick in the pants. Those people who love us with all our crazy quirks, who tells us we have spinach in our teeth, those friends who help us to not take ourselves so seriously. Those who never let us forget how to have fun.

As children we make friends instantly. A shared glance and we’ve spent the day together and we have a new best friend.

“We have been friends together,
In sunshine and in shade;
Since first beneath the chestnut-trees
In infancy we played.”
Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton

As teenagers we have all had, or are having, defining moments with friends, coming of age moments, that still bring a smile to our faces. Remembering a friend can warm our heart. Some things just don’t seem real until we’ve told our friend.

Now tell me…..

How has friendship touched your life? Tell me about that friend that makes you laugh ’til you cry. The one that knows you as well as you know yourself. Or the one you just met and you have an instant connection. This is an opportunity to acknowledge our friends for who they are in our lives.

“To me fair friend, you never can be old,
For as you were when first your eye I eyed,
Such seems your beauty still.”
William Shakespeare

I’ll start…
To ‘RBB’, we haven’t known each other long, but you truly bring out the best in me and you always make me laugh.

Hugs Penny

Excerpts from Friendship, by Ralph Waldo Emerson
We have been Friends Together, by Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton
Sonnet 104, by William Shakespeare

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Matthew Shaffer - Park(ing) spaces

So earlier this week I was exchanging emails in regard to a get together I am having next Monday with some girlfriends up in the bay area and brunch or lunch and a walk were aired in regard to potential activites. Now being a Londoner I’m not afraid of a walk (especially if it is in the direction of a local pub) and in the 10 years that I have lived on US soil I still haven’t reverted to that anti walking behaviour of driving from one side of the mall to the other. However, I believe that in Northern California ‘walk’ actually means ‘hike’ so there I was reading the email and having to now consider appropriate wardrobe and band aid choices.

One of the girlfriends then sent an email enquiring if we wanted to brunch and then ‘walk’ or ‘walk’ then brunch.. I saw my opportunity and typed quickly to reply that she had left out an entirely viable option which was to brunch then lunch…..

As soon as I hit ’send’ I wondered what I was portraying as I DO love being outdoors, I DO love walking, I just don’t like blisters! I was just contemplating what I might to do make amends on this urban anti outside image that I was wrongly creating about myself and Matt stepped into my life.

OK, the truth may actually be that I ambushed him, (ah ha..please note the very natural reference to foliage in my rhetoric!…) Matthew Shaffer is the Associate Director of Marketing Services for The Trust for Public Land and an all round good egg for talking to me at such short notice and for doing so without so much of an inkling as to my current goal to fix my image and convey myself as both tree hugger and fresh air loving citizen.

Now the Trust for Public Land are doing some wonderful things and among them is an initiative to support urban dwellers and others not so fortunate to live near a park to reclaim a piece of green for their own. On September 19th TPL are holding a national event to create temporary parks in parking spaces for one day. Now you may be thinking wow that’s kind of whacky and cool but why would they do that? Well Matthew had the answers….

Tell me why you are passionate about this initiative and what your personal dream is in regard to the overall impact.

A little space - a little park not much larger than one parking spot - can go so very far to transform a neighborhood, bring people together, and get us a little closer to nature. Parks are vital to a city’s health, and Park(ing) Day helps demonstrate their immense value. And the creativity of designing and making all these individual parks happen - and putting them in unique places - is very rewarding.

We’re at a tipping point where cities and counties in particular are not just thinking about parks but putting real dollars and muscle behind ambitious park, natural areas, and trail plans. Great park systems - that reach as many families as possible - make cities great places to live. Park(ing) Day can help advertise the importance of these community efforts, especially when the Park(ing) parks reflect local needs.

I am curious, what is your favorite thing to do in a park? Play, read, people watch?
I wish I had an easy answer - depends on the park and the company. So many parks, so many options!

OK so here are some scenarios…just fill in the blank..

You are in Prospect Park, Brooklyn with say….Barack Obama, you would…
Play chess.

You are in Golden Gate Park, San Francisco with something to tell folks you would tell them…
Go to the observation tower at the deYoung.

Finally you are in Forest Park in St Louis with your closest friend, you would….
Get a map (never been) but let’s assume there’s an arboretum somewhere there - I’d check that out.

Check this video out to see past park(ing) day events.

I love the fact that TPL are forgoing traditional advertising and instead creating experiential teasers for what could be in a neighborhood near you. Want to take part?

If you live in the OC the closing date for entries to design your own park(ing) space is coming up on July 29th just fill out the entry form.

And for everyone else in the U.S please visit Park(ing) day to see how you can take part on Friday September 19th, and for those of you in London and other cities outside of the U.S, I believe that there is a commitment for this initiative to become an international affair with prior years having park(ing) spaces in European locations too, so please investigate what you could do in your own city.

Matthew, thanks so much for your time and your commitment to such a great initiative and for making me look a lot more familiar with our great outdoors.

Personally I am very much looking forward to some park(ing) transformations near me.. no REALLY I am….
Candice

Photo: The Berger Partnership, PS
© The Red Barn Cooperative - Working together to nourish lives
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Your own Nourishing Conversation - Designing alliances

Today’s post is about the power of ‘designed alliances’, it was prompted by a video clip that was sent to me by a friend (yep, there I go shamelessly stealing again!), who was making a point along the lines of how the couple in the movie have such a powerful understanding, connection and trust.

As coaches we design alliances with our clients in regard to our client requirements, what expectations there are and how we want to be in relationship, in turn we ask that our clients create alliances with their work colleagues, partners and children with the view that there are true benefits to not take things for granted.

I realize that the term ‘designed alliance’ sounds like jargon; and I don’t expect you to sit your 9 year old down and explain that you need to ‘design an alliance’ but what we are truly urging is open communication and more mutual appreciation and understanding in relationships. The reason being if there is a mutual understanding there is much less room for disappointment, for values to be ignored and boundaries to be broken. Let me give you an example; you plan to go for dinner with a significant other and when you get there the restaurant is closed, what could occur is bickering about who should have called ahead and made the arrangements resulting in resentment and looming blame, quite a way to sour what was supposed to be a great night out.

Instead the following could have been designed - that as partners you take turns in making reservations and there is a clear system in regard to who’s turn is next, alternatively you may design that not making reservations is key to your spontaneous lifestyle and that the ‘mutual understanding’ is the intent to have fun whatever happens. This way when you both arrive at the closed restaurant instead of blame and disappointment you stick your agreement and just find somewhere else to go and have fun doing it!

Sound simple? Well for some areas in our lives it is, especially with loved ones that we have been with for some time where we have learnt from our experiences together. Some designed alliances almost seem unspoken or were possibly said out loud once and are now part of the groove, but be careful here, it is always worthwhile to check back in to see if the agreement you believe to be in place is still working for the other person, maybe they would like a redesign and haven’t known how to bring it up and even if you discover that the arrangement is still working for them, through making the inquiry you will have just made them feel appreciated and seen, how great is that!

When you stop to think about it what do you want to redesign around? Is there someone with an annoying habit in your home or workplace? Did you ever design an alliance with that person in regard to that ‘thing’? We all have them… being always the one to put out the trash, old tins of cat food being left in the refrigerator, the burden of making all the plans. Maybe now is the time to say something and redesign how you want to be around these little things that all start to add up and create tension. Possibly a great thing to design would be to have a sit down once a month to catch all the things that are going really well and not so well and talk about how to make it even better!

Personally I would like to have designed an alliance with Steve Jobs this week. He didn’t make it very clear that for him to enhance my technological life and still have time to launch his new 3G phone he would actually have to pause my email service for 36 hours. He did however send me notices to apologize and because we have an understanding around the fact he does have an impeccable record for delivering great products I chose to roll with the punches on this one but it would have been nice to have had the opportunity to have discussed it first.

So back to the video….I was trying to imagine what alliance this incredible couple designed and while I don’t speak Chinese I believe it could have been something along the lines of….

- Prima Ballerina:“I have been thinking… I would really like to incorporate a pirouette on pointe whilst standing on your head during our Swan Lake performance would that be OK?”
- Male danseur: “Er, OK, that sounds very cool, but how do we want to be with it if it goes wrong?”
- Prima Ballerina: “Good question, thank you for asking… um, well, lets look at what could go wrong.. I suppose I could fall, I could hurt you as I fell, we could both get really hurt and not be able to perform and also risk the income of the company and our jobs…”
- Male danseur: “You are right those things could happen but we are both incredibly talented so it is much more likely that we will get tons of kudos and get our performance on You tube so IF those things were to happen let’s plan; firstly let’s increase our insurance so we are fully covered. Two, let’s get some other safety measures in place, maybe we choreograph this so other members of the company can be on alert and break your fall and I will not hold you responsible for hurting me. In fact let’s promise now that if the worst were to happen we will make sure to keep open lines of communication so both our feelings will be heard. Oh and I suggest we train an extra 10 hours a week.”
- Prima ballerina:“All sounds good, I love the part about open lines of communication, let’s ask someone to remind us about that if we are mad at one another, maybe we ask third frog man from the left to hold us accountable. I do however want to counter offer the 10 hours a week to 8 hours as we already work so hard and in order to keep the focus I would like to have some time during the week to myself too.”
- Male danseur: - “Agreed!”

Beside yourself with curiosity and can’t wait to watch the video?

….well here it is…it is 7 minutes long, but you only need to watch through to the end of their performance which is around 5 mins 40 secs. Be marveled and consider the differences that you could make in your life by designing an alliance and creating a mutual understanding BEFORE an event occurs or habit becomes annoying. It could be the most nourishing conversation you’ve had yet…

Click here for Swan Lake with a twist…

Don’t go trying this at home…
Candice

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A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

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Too busy laughing to talk…

Way back when, during my psychology degree I wrote a thesis on the importance of humor and laughter in coping with occupational stress. I remember wedging a rather lame joke into the abstract and still somehow managed to come away with honors.

I now find humor in the fact that it isn’t until 17 years later when I decide to become a coach and stress management consultant with a borderline obsession about what nourishes people that it becomes relevant for me again. Laughter for me is high on the nourishment list, in fact it was on my top ten list of ‘nourishing things’ on a blog post back in April. When I think of any peak experience in my life I am laughing, my favorite people are those I laugh with, I like products that have an element of humor and if I think of any photograph of myself that I actually like I am laughing in it too.

I am also noticing the need we have to express that we are having fun or are laughing even when the person we are communicating with cannot see or hear us; firstly our texting and email lexicon embraced the smiley face and now we freely ‘LOL’ all across the ether.

Now I could probably reprise some of that original thesis or some other physiological detail from my most recent stress management education to explain to you the hormonal effects of laughter but to be honest today is less about the education and more about the call to action to ‘Just do it..’

Now maybe that rather dry instruction has you wondering how?! Well there are the obvious routes; watching something funny on TV, doing something silly with friends, recalling a humorous memory or you could join a club. Yes really, for those of you that watched the Pangea Day celebration you will have seen a bunch of celebrities with Dr. Madan Kataria the founder of ‘Laughter Yoga’ all laughing on set, in fact they orchestrated a live ‘world laugh’ right there and then. Apparently there is a Laughter Yoga saying - ‘Fake it until you make it!’ where your body and mind benefit even if the laughter starts off forced and today there are 8000 Laughter Clubs worldwide, with 300,000 members doing just that, sound funny? You betcha!

Now for those of you that know me well, you could correctly presume that the initial idea of visiting with a group of utter strangers to vulnerably jiggle around with them and laugh heartily is about as appealing to me as a poke in the eye, YET there is something about it that I completely believe in and am intrigued by.

- Laughter clubs on the Discovery Channel
- John Cleese visits laughter clubs in India

My home town even has its very own laughter club, Laguna Beach is proud to say that it has had a seven day per week laughter club since 2005, and is the FIRST Laughter Club in the World (outside India) to meet every single day. They meet at the north end of main beach and I have heard it’s a hoot!

Jeffrey Briar Certified L.Y teacher told me today that “first we must distinguish between “mirthful” laughter - fun, playful, mutual- enjoyment-based - which is distinct from “cruel” laughter (sarcasm, gloating, malevolent; where someone is the “butt’ of the joke.) In mirthful laughter, everyone wins, no one is the loser. Through laughing together, strangers can become friends. Laughter is a valid and viable path towards world peace.” OK, just a little bit of physiology…. “Laughter creates the chemistry of happiness, boosting endorphins, leading to raised levels of dopamine in the brain. Laughter relieves all the negative effects of stress and increases oxygen in the blood and brain. More oxygen = better health. Laughter nourishes every cell in your body.”

I would like to mention that Jeffrey signs his emails with ‘love and hilarity’ which I may obviously have to shamelessly steal…

So go find some friends or think of something that you are doing that is frankly ridiculous and have a giggle, a chuckle or better still a red faced, gasping for breath, tear inducing, side-holding full on belly laugh. It is the only infectious thing that you won’t actually mind catching from your mates and I promise you will feel lighter and less stressed in seconds..

You may even find me hooting on main beach yet…
Candice

For more information have a look at Dr Kataria’s site, then there is the World laughter tour (don’t forget to buy the tshirt) and a whole channel on You Tube dedicated to Laughter Yoga, excellent source material to get you going…

Laguna Laughter club - every Morning Sunday thru Friday, 7:45-8:30am; and Saturdays 5:30-6:15pm (Sat. meets 4:30-5:15pm, Nov. thru Feb.). Contact: Jeffrey Briar (949) 376-1939 or www.joyfulb.com

© The Red Barn Cooperative - Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

This article was featured in The Eighteenth Edition of the Carnival of Improving Life.

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Regina Aquilera - The Resiliency Factor

These words came up several times in my conversation with Regina Aquilera, who is a member the Yaqui Tribe, an acupuncturist, herbologist, yoga teacher, mother of three, and on the Board of Directors for the Native Wellness Institute.

What is the resiliency factor?

It’s about us remembering who we are and where we’ve come from. Despite the fact that much of our culture has been taken away or diluted. We have a common thread, who we are is important to us, we are proud of our heritage. We have a connection to this land that is spiritual, and we’re still here.

As a teacher and trainer with Native Wellness Institute, how do you bring this resiliency into your area of focus?

I especially enjoy working with Native youth and adults in disease prevention, and promoting healthy lifestyles. I utilize the combined philosophies of Eastern & Native cultures to encourage Native people toward wellness. One thing I like to do in my session is to have people visualize their village 150-200 years ago, what are your ancestors doing, how are they living, what are they eating? Their great-great grandparents were hunters , gatherers, farmers, and fishermen. They didn’t eat anything that wasn’t fresh, caught by them, or grown by them. It reconnects them with their heritage, and it also reminds them that traditional ways are very balanced ways.

How does Native Wellness Institute work toward that balance?

The mission of the Native Wellness Institute is to promote the well-being of Native people through programs & trainings embracing the traditions of our ancestors. Native Wellness is a traditional model to guide us along a path of Balance. A holistic and integrated approach in the way we live our lives. The four directions of wellness are: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. This is a Plains model of the Medicine Wheel or Circle of Life. Everything in the circle is connected, the wheel evolves around each aspect, it continues, it’s always growing..

Native Wellness embraces the teaching of our ancestors, living life in balance and with respect.
Our goal is to serve as a resource for Native specific training programs and technical assistance services to Native people, communities and organizations. We accomplish this goal by bringing together highly skilled Native trainers and consultants across the United States and Canada for conferences, workshops and other projects, implementing a leadership training initiative that will strengthen the circle and prepare Native people for leadership opportunities, and developing programs and services to meet other areas of need that impact the physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being of Native people.

You mentioned your enjoyment of working with native youth. Does NWI have a special focus on youth?

The Native Wellness Institute is serious about their responsibility to teach, train and prepare our young people for living in a good way in today’s world. Many of our young people are doing fantastic things and balancing the two worlds in which they live very well. Others are struggling and trying to find their path in these often chaotic times. NWI strives to provide a process where our young ones can make a “head to heart” connection and understand the “why” of behaviors and how we can promote and maintain living by the “Warrior’s Spirit” being positive, productive and proactive.

Can you tell me more about ‘living by the Warrior Spirit’?

It’s about being alive, connected , we want our youth to be healthy leaders, not followers. It’s about taking the extra step, stepping up to the plate. Many of our youth are learning to speak their language. They design projects for their community, school, or family. A warrior finds balance from within, to be able to go out into the world and be positive.

Regina how were you taught your native traditions?

Most of the Yaqui traditions have been merged with Catholicism. I was not taught to speak Yaqui or Spanish because for my parents to fit in it was not ok to be Indian. I do remember my Dad singing songs and telling stories. He is gifted in the oral traditions. I learned the most from my grandmother, she was all about natural ways to heal your body. She was a herbologist, she used hot stones to massage us. She always had something boiling that would heal a stomach ache or headache or fever. She understood the circle, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. By spiritual, I mean not religious, our spiritual connection to the earth.

So I see by your chosen profession you keep some of your family traditions alive. What are other ways you do that today?

Learning songs and dances, holding true our sacred items, wearing native jewelry that is culturally significant.

Regina thank you for your warrior spirit, I am grateful that it’s still so strong.
Penny

If you would like to know more about the work of Native Wellness Institute please visit their website at www.nativewellness.com, or you can contact Regina at nativetouch.

Also if you would like to learn more about Native American affairs you can visit Bureau of Indian Affairs or Administration for Native Americans (ANA).

Image Source - Native Wellness Institute
© The Red Barn Cooperative - Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com>

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John Trosko - The importance of being organized

There is something about getting organized. That ‘high’ of accomplishment post wardrobe clear out, garage clean up or collections demobbed. It helps us develop a new relationship with our ’stuff’ and the result can range from quiet satisfaction and peace of mind to a grander liberating experience.

To learn how to achieve this, today we are talking to John Trosko Los Angeles-based professional organizer and owner of OrganizingLA. John and his company professionally plan and supervise organizing systems in homes and businesses. By applying creative and technical solutions, John’s company teaches others how to spend less time searching for the things they need, which results in more time for the activities they love.

John is also 2007-2009 President of the Los Angeles Chapter of the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO-LA) and his press coverage includes the Los Angeles Times, BusinessWeek, DailyCandy, LegalZoom.com, CreditCards.com, Better Homes & Gardens, Estates West Magazine as well as national television segments for Scripps Howard Broadcasting Company. John is truly the doyen of organization so if this is an area of challenge for you, listen well..

John, what do you feel are the benefits of decluttering our homes and work spaces?

If you work in a business, how much time are you wasting looking for client-related paperwork? If you’re a lawyer, there is absolutely no way you can charge a client for the time you are using to locate a lost file. You’ll never recoup this cost and it just eats into your bottom line. If you can cut down file retrieval time from 2 hours to 30 minutes wouldn’t that be an achievement? Being organized will save you time, stress, and ultimately money because you’ll find what you want, when you need it.

Where do you see people get stuck with their organization goals and how do you help them get unstuck?

In my business, there are many reasons why people get stuck. When I began doing “organizing” as a business, I used to think if someone adopted a system, their organization worries would go away. I would walk a client through the front door, talk to them about where they drop the mail, and why. I’d set them up with a better basket in the ideal location, put a label on that basket, sneak a trash can in there somewhere and drop a letter opener into the basket. I’d coach the client about the value of systemizing their daily mail to keep the paper clutter at bay. But nothing on Earth is going to get them to actually maintain the system if they don’t care enough, or they’re not taking responsibility for what comes into the front door.

What do you mean being “responsible?”

I realized over the past four years, that people’s attitude about their stuff and systems need to change before they can make lasting improvements. So it’s not about the stuff, and it’s not about the systems. People need an overall vision of what they want their home or office to look like and get the help to keep it that way on a regular basis. The relationship to their stuff needs to shift. By eliminating the need to stop blaming their disorganization on a partner or small limited closet, they focus on what they can start doing now, on a personal level. This means that when you shop for something and bring it home, you assume the responsibility for the care, maintenance and storage of that item. You take the responsibility for putting (or not putting) something away in a cabinet or drawer when you’re finished using it. You can chose to have your space a mess or make tiny steps necessary to keep it somewhat tidy. If you shift your thinking and put value and responsibility into your choices and actions, you’re more bound to want to take care of your possessions and increase your chances of maintaining your space.

I love the awareness that our responsibility begins right at the check out register! John, thank you for your organizing wisdom and for shedding new light on our clutterbug challenges.

If you feel you are in need of more organizing tips John serves as Editor of “OrganizingLA” an online blog delivering daily productivity tips and trends, and in October John will become a contributing author to Samantha Ettus’ “The Experts’ Guide to Doing Things Faster,” published by Clarkson Potter, a division of Random House, Inc.

In the meantime think of the multiple benefits of tackling that unruly drawer, selling that old box of vintage comics or sorting through that pile of paperwork….
Looking forward to that sense of accomplishment.
Candice
P.S if you are up for the challenge don’t forget to donate or recycle your stuff! Working Wardrobes , Salvation Army, Green Dump Truck , and many more organizations will be thankful for your newly found decluttering skill!

© The Red Barn Cooperative - Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

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Lynn Thomas - Equine Assisted Therapy

We often get asked “what is the difference between coaching and therapy?” The boundary between therapy and coaching is not defined by a set of absolute rules and terms. They sometimes overlap, especially with some contemporary therapy modalities. In general though, therapists are trained to diagnose and treat mental illness and may work with their clients to understand the ‘why’. Coaches view their clients as naturally creative resourceful and whole, and as having their own answers; working in the present and future - “what’s possible from here?…”

Just as there are many different types of coaching there are also many types of psychotherapy and in today’s nourishing conversation you are going to hear from someone who has a passion for helping people in crisis, and about the gentle giants in this partnership, Lynn Thomas, Executive Director of EAGALA (The Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association).

What is EAGALA’S vision and mission in the world?

EAGALA is dedicated to improving the mental health of individuals, families, and groups around the world by setting the standard of excellence in Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. Our vision statement says a lot of what that is, but in essence its about our desire to help people around the world to live happier healthier lives and we know that this is a powerful, effective tool for change. EAGALA provides education, standards, innovation, and support to professionals providing services in Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.

What is EAP?

Equine Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP) incorporates horses experientially for emotional growth and learning. It is a collaborative effort between a licensed therapist and a horse professional working with the clients and horses to address treatment goals. EAP is experiential in nature. This means that participants learn about themselves and others by participating in activities with the horses, and then processing (or discussing) feelings, behaviors, and patterns. This approach has been compared to the ropes courses used by therapists, treatment facilities, and human development courses around the world. But EAP has the added advantage of utilizing horses, dynamic and powerful living beings.

The focus of EAP involves setting up ground activities involving the horses which will require the client or group to apply certain skills. Non-verbal communication, assertiveness, creative thinking and problem-solving, leadership, work, taking responsibility, teamwork and relationships, confidence, and attitude are several examples of the tools utilized and developed by EAP. EAP is a powerful and effective therapeutic approach that has an incredible impact on individuals, youth, families, and groups. EAP addresses a variety of mental health and human development needs including behavioral issues, attention deficit disorder, substance abuse, eating disorders, abuse issues, depression, anxiety, relationship problems and communication needs.

Why Horses?

We are often asked, “Why horses? Why not other animals?”
Horses are large and powerful, which creates a natural opportunity for some to overcome fear and develop confidence. The size and power of the horse are naturally intimidating to many people. Accomplishing a task involving the horse, in spite of those fears, creates confidence and provides for wonderful metaphors when dealing with other intimidating and challenging situations in life.

Horses are very much like humans in that they are social animals. They have defined roles within their herds. They would rather be with their peers. They have distinct personalities, attitudes, and moods. An approach that seems to work with one horse, does not necessarily work with another. At times, they seem stubborn and defiant. They like to have fun. In other words, horses provide vast opportunities for metaphorical learning. Using metaphors, in discussion or activity, is an effective technique when working with even the most challenging individuals or groups.

Horses require work, whether in caring for them or working with them. In an era when immediate gratification and the “easy way” are the norm, horses require people to be engaged in physical and mental work to be successful, a valuable characteristic in all aspects of life.

Most importantly, horses have the ability to mirror exactly what human body language is telling them. Many people will complain, “The horse is stubborn. The horse doesn’t like me,” etc. But the lesson to be learned is that if they change themselves, the horses respond differently. Horses are honest, which makes them especially powerful messengers.

What one thing would you want people to know about EAGALA?

I have a deep desire to see people live the most fulfilling lives possible, and this is a great modality for helping people in crisis. Whether it be someone in an emotional difficulty or just wanting to self improve, people can use this to help them in their journey.

What’s new for you?

I’ll be going to South Africa this year. It’s great to see how EAGALA is growing around the world. The journey has been really exciting. We hear from our partners around the world that,” It’s working.”

Thanks Lynn, for sharing your love for people and horses, and have a blast in South Africa!! For anyone wishing to know more about Equine Assisted Psychotherapy and EAGALA please visit their website at www.eagala.org
Penny

Photo Credit www.eagala.org
© The Red Barn Cooperative - Working together to nourish lives
A Red Barn Coaching initiative www.redbarncoaching.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chiclet up on the right…

 

A very nourishing engagement!

I am both completely frustrated with and enchanted by the play ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’.. per a prior ‘Nourishing Conversation’ you may have read about my predilection for fairy creatures but the star crossed lover bit… well really, it is very exhausting until thankfully cupid’s arrow is realigned and the couples ’shall eternally be knit’, for which after 2 hours of Shakespearian farce I for one am always eternally grateful!

It seems to me that the ‘knowing’ that you are with the ‘right’ person, whether you believe it was destined to be or a fabulous happenstance, has a big nourishing angle to it. Intrigued by this I conversed with two newly engaged couples, our own modern day Helena & Demetrius and Hermia & Lysander, asking them to share their own ideas about the nourishment of love and marriage.

Interior Designer Alyssa Pappas and Billabong photographer Pat Stacy are moving at joyful speed toward their wedding day in September and party planner to the stars Christina Dimitriadis & her betrothed New York Road Runner Rick Krupa were engaged in Celebration Florida (very fitting!) and are planning a Spring 2009 wedding.

Guys, what is important to each of you about marriage?

Alyssa - Marriage is important to me because it is becoming “one” with my other half. There’s nothing better in the world than experiencing life together! All my life I’ve dreamed of who that special “someone” was, and then Pat came into my life, and I just knew… he was the one that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with.

Pat - Prior to meeting Alyssa, I knew that I wanted to get married someday, but that was about as deep as it went. It was when I fell in love with her that I encountered this desire to commit my life to someone. I just knew that all I wanted was to wake up next to her every day forever. I wanted to grow up together. We are both fairly young and people tell us that we’re actually too young, but the way we see it is that God brought us together for a reason and we believe that as long as we always keep him in the center of our relationship then we can enjoy the rest of our lives together. We have so many goals that are going to take a lifetime to fulfill and we are enlivened by the idea of doing it together.

Christina - Coming from a Greek background, the importance of family was always emphasized. I think marriage takes this concept to another level - both emotionally and symbolically.

Rick - Teamwork

Pat, Rick what was it that compelled you to propose?

Pat - We came close to getting married before, but we just didn’t quite feel like it was time yet. We had things going on in our life that seemed like they would complicate things to the point where they would make it not as enjoyable. We didn’t want to marry into a clustered life. Then one day, I was sitting in Hawaii and she was coming out and it dawned on me. It hit me so hard and I remember that moment so clearly. I remember exactly where I was and everything. We were ready and I was going to ask her in Hawaii. I got the ring and my plan all sorted out, appointed a couple good friends who were excited to help and we got engaged at Sunset beach at Sunset in Hawaii.

Rick - The thought of spending the rest of my life with the person I love who loves me back.

Alyssa, Christina, what is the feeling that you associate with saying yes and what happens to you when you relive that moment?

Alyssa - Complete out of body experience… It’s like I was completely there in the moment, It was all so shocking and exciting, and I remember every detail, but I still felt like I wasn’t in my body…. I will say, it was the easiest question I’ve ever had to answer. I think I told the story of our engagement about 200 times, and each time, I felt like I was there again, reliving that moment! I get the chills everytime! I never get tired of telling that story…

Christina - Complete and utter disbelief and shock…we had only been dating 6 weeks! When I relive the moment, I still wonder at the concept of being in the right place at the right time.

What nourishment do you think marriage will bring to your life?
Alyssa - Marriage will strengthen my heart. I say this because Pat has the biggest heart of any human being. He cares for those who go unnoticed, he loves those who others shun, he desires the best for everyone, he has only friends, not enemies… Everyday I learn from him, and I know that my heart will only grow bigger as his wife. And I will give my whole heart to him.

Pat - I think that marriage is going to bring me into a phase of my life that I desire so much. Like I said earlier, before meeting Alyssa, that desire wasn’t there. But now my whole life is in this state of anticipation for our wedding. We have put off living together before we wed so we’re going to create a home together and experience for the first time in our lives a lot of new things. We talk every night about coming home to each other to hear about one another’s day, going through hard times and good times together, which actually brings me to another point. I have never in my life questioned Alyssa’s loyalty to me. She would go through anything for me and I would do the same for her. We both share a faith in Jesus Christ as our savior and we believe that faith, if kept healthy, can endure all.

Christina - I think most of us are naturally programmed to look for someone to spend the rest of our lives with. Finding Rick has nourished my heart by making it race every afternoon when I think about getting home after work and seeing him…nourished my mind by showing me that a formal education can sometimes teach you way less than an inquisitive nature…nourished my body by having a live-in coach, who is also an accomplished athlete, encourage me everyday to run further and faster…and nourished my soul via the combination of all of the above.

Rick - The most nourishment I am finding is in the soul because of the feeling that goes with finding the one person you realize you were destined to be with. Spiritually I am finding a very content place and I think we are all looking for a satisfied soul. My mind is a different story. My mind is pressure filled always trying to satisfy Christina. There’s a little part of me that’s always afraid I am going to do the wrong thing and push her away.

What do you think will be the most positive difference in your lives when you are married?

Alyssa - What I look forward to most is waking up with him beside me everyday! I also look forward to travelling the world together, serving others together, and simply starting life together.

Pat - The most positive things to come from our marriage, I imagine will be a stable life of time spent together. The bible says that when two people wed, they become one (sorry to be the bible thumper, that’s the last time). But I’ll never question our relationship. We’re a team and we solve problems together, and we enjoy good times together. She makes up for all the things I lack and I make up for all the things she lacks. The world has so much to offer and we want to experience it all side by side.

Christina - It’s hard to know if anything will feel different. I know that even being engaged, you have far more vested and you try way harder than you normally would to overcome obstacles.

Rick - I don’t think it will be any different than it is now except that Christina’s last name will get shorter.

Rick, yeah but Chrissy ‘K’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it does it?! Thank you all so much for sharing so authentically, I am so so excited for both nuptials and for the lives you have chosen to share together.
With love and sparkle..
Candice

P.S for giggles and touching moments you may want to check out Open letter to the girl I’m going to marry. The author writes letters to the girl he is going to marry but hasn’t yet met….

© The Red Barn Cooperative - Working together to nourish lives
www.theredbarncooperative.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chiclet up on the right…

 

Harry Hopkins - Motivational Landscaper

With Summer Solstice and Midsummers Day upon us and what seems to be an extraordinary heat wave here in Laguna Beach all signals pointed to time in the garden with friends this weekend. My own plot is very small and overgrown, just the way I like it and it was a treat to sit and be witness to various wildlife seeking both food and shelter from the harsh summer elements. This week also saw me having a nourishing conversation with Australian import Harry Hopkins, Hamptons landscaper, to learn more about what occurs in high end landscape design.

Harry, what first interested you about landscape design?

I lived in Japan, Tokyo for a couple of years when I was 15 to 17. My Dad would take us all out to spend a couple of weeks in Kyoto and I think the gardens there got me into it. The incredible beauty of the zen gardens and the shrines, the whole area kind of blew my mind. When I returned to Australia I studied horticulture and landscape design. There was also a property where we lived in Sydney that had one of the first Camellia groves imported from China, with a propagation house and 20 diff. species of Japanese maple, an incredibly well planned property, studying design made sense of it for me. These are the two main reasons and I have never thought about doing anything else.

Where do you undertake the majority of your projects?

In Bridgehampton and Easthampton, people are building or renovating homes on the potato fields out here and we landscape them. There is not a lot of old growth up here on the fields and we create gardens that look mature, bringing in large trees, the smallest of which will be approximately 20ft. Some people out here still create monsters where maintaining 2 acres could cost them $100,000 each year but after working out here for 22 years I now have clients that really appreciate their gardens and it is not about keeping up with the Jones’.

The hard part of being out here is being at the end of an island, everything gets thrown at you at once, there are short seasons and it is initiation by fire trying to plan and plant. We have just worked 15 hour days for 3 months so we don’t have a lot of time to think during this time, it is a pressure cooker. You have to explain to people that everything we do is alive and we can’t always just put plants in while buildings are being built, it’s an on going education.

You spend many years nurturing the gardens you work on, how do you view them?

Well firstly there is the responsibility, I guarantee trees and plants so there are punch lists and a lot of monitoring going on, that is the side of it that is ‘work’ and takes time and then there is another side of it when I go the the properties early in the morning or late afternoon to photograph them and it is wonderful. It’s the feeling of awe and satisfaction, I love it. The process can be a little hectic sometimes but the outcome is mind blowing.

You are struck by the beauty but what about getting dirty?

That is the best part! Getting dirty and watching it, I am sat here at a house I landscaped 12 years ago and looking at one of the most beautiful trees that I planted, it is incredible, there is definitely huge satisfaction from the dirt side of the job. After the first 4 or 5 years you watch and see what has really grown, it is an inspiration.

What are your clients looking for?

Not to get their hands dirty. My clients prefer to walk the property not work it. There is a lot of paranoia about lyme disease and ticks from the woodland so families are looking for gardens that include a lawn, (somewhere to place their hammock), maybe a treehouse, a pool, with enough money anything can be created. These properties are often only used for 12 weeks of the year and families might only get up to their property for 3 days each week, so they want something that is complete and looks good. For some of my clients their gardens represent precious time with their children in an open space, living in Manhattan appreciating an open space here with their families feeds their soul.

How often to you encourage vegetable gardens and do you find that children become more aware of nature and the concept that vegetables actually grow and not just appear on shelves?

I now have 3 or 4 clients who do small scale things with their children for example we will install small cut flower areas, herb gardens and small vegetable gardens. Children can also appreciate small agriculture out here; picking strawberries, we also have apple time and farms that produce cheese. Showing kids these things is a part of being out here. I also have a couple of clients who have cooks on property and they grow their own veggies.

All our properties are now organic, it is harder as it is a slower process, a tree may take longer to look its best but there is an important integrated relationship between the plants and the lawn etc.. it can be quite a hard sell to educate people that this is important.

What about water usage?

Long Island has lots of water and we use ‘leaky pipe’ irrigation which I first found out about in the kibbutzs in Israel. Some people also have their own well but for many years the potato farmers used harsh pesticides so the well water needs to be properly filtered but it can still be used for plants. Irrigation is a real art, in the first year of planting we need to pamper these newly planted mature trees and plants as they are still in shock, then we need to regulate as time goes on. People are also becoming more aware of indigeneous plants that require less water.

We also use a lot of Mycorrhizal it’s like a soil fungus, what might be created on the floor of the forest when plants integrate within each other where they have this kind of symbiosis. So instead of standard fertilizer we will use this fungus that really promotes root growth and the plants to relate to each other, it is a pretty new thing, people have only been really aware of it in the last five years and it works incredibly well. There is a lot of green thinking out here but it is hard to promote with the NY mentality.

You sound like quite the educator.

Not so much the educator, I think I see myself more as a motivator, a landscape motivational speaker. I spend a lot of time getting people involved looking at both the big picture and getting them excited about a tree or branch. I called a client recently to tell them to come out to see a tree that had just blossomed, they hadn’t seen it blossom in a couple of years. I am trying to get clients to understand more and I spend a lot of time motivating.

Is there anything that you refuse to do?

Yes, to take out trees that shouldn’t be taken out to create clearings, that is the main thing. I will say that I think we should work around it and will try to reign people in as far as maintaining the integrity of the landscape. I have actually walked out of a couple of jobs because of things like that. I also draw a line at pesticides.

Are you someone who believes that we should all grow something regardless of how small our space is?

Absolutely, even if you live in a tiny studio you can have a small herb garden on a window sill or small table or even figure out how to get out onto the roof, everyone should work out how to grow something, it is incredible therapy and good for the soul. In NYC I see so many people in Central Park who are passionate about it, soaking it all up, maybe more passionate than those who have 2 acres out here. I will always promote this in urban areas, I could never imagine not having plants around, even where I live in Australia it is a relatively small property and there is something going on in every corner. When I work on smaller projects like that I look to see what I can put into every nook and cranny.

Harry, thank you so much for taking a quick break to talk with me and for motivating us to get growing! Have a fun summer break (or would that be winter break?) back in Oz.
Candice

© The Red Barn Cooperative
www.theredbarncooperative.com

Would you like to read about nourishment in all its guises twice a week? We issue ‘Nourishing Conversations’ to our subscribers every Monday and Thursday, click here to subscribe by email or if you prefer to use an RSS reader you will find the orange chiclet up on the right…